A fair observation would be that I live in an affluent area. I am not here by default but by the fruit of my labour. I have earned the right to be here, to raise my family here and to live with a sense of freedom. So, you can imagine my surprise when I was asked the question ‘Are you the mother or the nanny?’
Let me rewind. It was during the height of COVID-19 and I had taken my biracial son for a walk in his stroller. As I walked by the shops a woman stopped and posed the aforementioned question. I was shocked! Mortified!
You see what I have learned during my research of anti-black racism is that to be black is to have experienced racism. Memories of racism are cruel, raw, and unforgettable - while the act may have been forgotten the feelings remain. And current racial encounters are likely subsequent racial experiences for the recipient.
As such, the afflicted are not only dealing with the current racial encounter but potentially the emergence of emotions from all previous encounters as well. For some these sentiments are rage, anger, fear but for me it was hurt. The kind of hurt that wells up in your stomach and brings tears to your eyes. Hurt that makes your head spin, quickly followed by ‘I’m tired of this.
So, what was my response? I simply replied, ‘I am the mother.’ My answer was direct and respectful. It was clear that I had already been judged, assessed, and found guilty of being sub-standard in her eyes. My reaction needed to be polite and calculated to avoid further stereotyping. Stereotyping from a woman who felt embolden to ask me a question that really was none of her business but instead a portrayal of white privilege. A privilege that allowed her to ask the question and a privilege that affords a white woman the luxury of never been asked the question.
While explicit forms of racism remain dominant, implicit, and complicit racial behaviours are increasing in regularity. The Black community is still being abused and we are hurting and tired of these, far too frequent, racial encounters.
To close, we need to start by finding ways to address these painful situations through genuine and meaningful support. It is time to be more than just a # and be a part of positive change.
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